Fruitcake MIDI Forum Treasury

[Upsilon]

Happy Inanimacy Appreciation Week! This is not an inanimate object - it's an Upsilon. Don't be frightened! He talks tough but inside he's scared.

Upsilon wants to find out more about inanimate objects. Shall we begin, Upsilon?

YES.

There are inanimate objects all around us, even when we take them for granted! Let's investigate and see what inanimate objects we can find in Upsilon's bedroom.



First things first: this is the camera we'll be using to record a picture of all the objects we find. It's a very busy object, because it uses up batteries very quickly! Sometimes Upsilon wishes it didn't use up batteries quite so quickly.



These are the batteries that Upsilon had to take out of the camera before it would work. These batteries are only corpses now because they were in the camera too long. It's not like we mean to go on about this or anything, but Upsilon swears that darned camera doesn't last for more than an hour on those things! When Upsilon tried to turn on the camera again, it made a pitiful beeping sound and flashed a green light once. It made Upsilon laugh to begin with but then he got cross and said some bad words.



While looking in his sock drawer, guess what Upsilon found! That's right: it's a sock! Silly Upsilon, socks don't go on hands!



We're rich! Upsilon is such an affluent character that he can afford to just leave money lying around his room. With this much money you could buy a pencil (see below) or maybe a ladle's worth of peas! Golly!



This may look like a real bear, but really it's only an inanimate object in disguise. It's a bear simulator, aimed at infants and people with psychological instabilities! This one is wearing a striped shirt but no trousers! How wacky! This is because it's only a pretend animal and doesn't understand that it is evil to be naked.



The bear's gone now, but there's still an inanimate object in this picture. It's a chair! Tired of standing around? Just have a seat and watch your life go by! Would you like to sit on the chair, Upsilon? You can spin on a chair like this, you know...



Wheeeeee!



A ball of string! Think of all the fun we could have with one of these! Upsilon tried, but he became so excited that he had to fall over for a long time.



It's Chambers! You can tell that he's been fetched recently because he isn't on his shelf. Chambers knows a lot more words than you can ever hope to know, even if you study really hard. But he can never know love! Are inanimate objects allowed to be 'he'?



A ruler! A ruler tells you how long a centimetre is. This one is made by "the Manka Company". Who are they? It sounds Indian, but do they use centimetres in India? Wikipedia says "You searched for Do they centimetres in India". Thanks, Wikipedia!



This might look like the gravestone of a tiny robot, but it's actually an alarm clock! This one tells you what date and temperature it is in the room because it likes to show off. What does "4:14" mean? It means, "time for inanimate object appreciation"!



"Careful, or I'll write on you!" This is a pencil. Upsilon gets worried about pencils because he often loses them before they get all used up. He suspects that there's a robber who steals all his pencils. Remember, stealing is bad! But Upsilon knows from experience that people will stab you in the back like that. "Nobody is good," he says. Gosh!



This is a glue stick. Glue sticks don't intoxicate you like normal glue does, which makes them safer and more frustrating. Upsilon doesn't know where the lid to this glue stick is, and it has been exposed for a few days now. It will die soon, and it is all Upsilon's fault.



This is a mobile phone! This mobile phone is quite old and some naughty people have called Upsilon a "(person with a strange sort of body part for a head)" for having it! Upsilon doesn't get on with people much.



Ring ring! Who is it, Upsilon? Ah, he's only joking - he isn't brave enough to answer real calls.



Looks like a rubbish bin. It's a very good bin, actually, but nothing more. Upsilon uses the bin when he writes down his ideas then realises all his ideas are worthless and no-one will ever like them and he must make sure no-one ever sees them and he can't find any matches to destroy his burning guilty shame. This one looks a bit like a bucket!



"Crosslegged under an umbrel umbershoot he thrones an Aztec logos, functioning on astral levels, their oversoul, mahamahatma." Wow! Upsilon likes to pretend he has read this very big clever book so that people will think he is a very big clever person.



This is an album that Upsilon likes very much and thinks that many people should buy. It was thought of by a man called "Frank Zappa" and has twenty songs. It says some bad things about religion, so perhaps you should hide it when the vicar comes round for tea!



This is a computing game cartridge! This is a game that Upsilon doesn't play very often. Upsilon feels quite guilty about this, which is why he can't bear to look at the label in this picture. Cheer up, Upsilon!



What a strange object! It looks like a mysterious time capsule sent by androids from the future! Upsilon had to push the button a lot of times before he realised that it was actually a highly cool looking torch.



A Mario man? But the day doesn't need saving! ...oh, it's really just an inanimate object! This is a plush toy - it looks like a person but doesn't break and spill if you drop it onto the ground. Upsilon likes this Mario better than the ones they sell in the "Game" shop because this one doesn't look like its face is melting.



It's a stone egg! Does a stone bird hatch out of this? This egg is supposed to relieve stress if you hold it in your hand for a long time, but Upsilon knows it doesn't work because he's held it for hours at a time before, and the mean voices still haven't gone away, they still shout and scream at him all the time, all the time go away leave me alone stop it I hate you I hate you. Let's carry on, shall we?



A comb? Upsilon hasn't used one of these in a very long time! His family and friends call him a "dishevelled sack of compost", whatever that means! In this pose Upsilon looks like Paul Chuckle, or the man who made Russia evil!



Upsilon has no idea what the Christ this is, he just found it on his TV. It looks like a poo man.



What a lot of inanimate objects there are. How many inanimate objects can you find in your house? Why don't you try? But don't waste too much time on it, or else you'll never make any friends!
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Delivering very monthly quotes for over six freaking years, it's Upsi's Quote of the Month:

"Don't have premaritals - it hurts your pre-genitals!" -chzrm3

[Mike]

Brilliant!
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~Mike

Chaff City returns! http://bit.ly/Chaff

[Damian]

Hahahahaha

Okay, this wins mightily. A very good job!
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when the world is sick, can't no one be well? but i dreamt we was all beautiful and strong
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[Sam]

That was awesome.

[Tdlicrfthawk]

That was AWESOME and made of WIN


Why did you sock change colour?
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???

http://tdlicrfthawke.wordpress.com/

[Shadow Blade]

Hey I used to have a Mario like that *shot*.

Vvvveeeerrrryyyy iiiinnnntttteeeerrrreeeessssttttiiiinnnngggg.
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http://gadgettr.deviantart.com/

[Tommy]

I learned 8 and 1/2 things from this. I liked the bit with the naked bear. Thank you Upsilon.
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Young men, you're getting detention for being without shorts
I know who's actually to blame, but we need those guys for sports.

[Banjo-Fella]

Upsilon, you're not an inanimate object, but still, and in the words of Beedle... I APPRECIATE YOU! That was amazing. I lol'd.
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~Banjo-Fella

[LynkStar]

That was one of the coolest things ever. I'm honoured to have previously, and without permission, touched most of those objects.

Also, what's with the sheet of numbers behind the bin?
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:3

[Tdlicrfthawk]

Those numbers are PRIME.
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???

http://tdlicrfthawke.wordpress.com/

[JK9000]

Oh, that's what happened to all that win I had stored up.

[Jake]

SMASHING, Upsi.

[Shadow Blade]

Indeed.
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http://gadgettr.deviantart.com/