Fruitcake MIDI Forum Treasury

[Izzhov]

[Tommy]

[Izzhov]

[Tommy]

Well...as it's you:

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII JJJJJJJJJJJ
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM I JJJJJJ
MMM MMMMM MMMMMMM I JJJJJJ
MMM MMMMM MMMMMM I JJJJJJ
MMM MMMM MMMMM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

(Ashhee art)

Mij’s Crazy Adventure walkthrough. By Mij1

Intro
Mij’s Crazy Adventure is a really good game although it got bad reviews It is probably my favourite game of all time. I like the character designs as they are funny and there is a good use of ambient sound. Unfortunately not many copies of the game were made as they lost the master copy at the factory and shortly after the producers went bankrupt.

The story in the manual is that Mij the monkey has to get to the town hall for a party. Your commands are PUSH, GET, JUMP, LOOK, TALK, USE, HIT, and WAVE PICTURE AROUND (this last command needs you to have the picture item in your inventory).

Act 1
Mij has locked himself into the study and needs to get out. Look at the door. He says that the key must be somewhere. Go to the left of the screen and move your cursor about under the table. Eventually you will find the key highlighted. It is tricky as the key is hidden in the carpet so it doesn’t show on the screen. It is only a few pixels big. Get the key. Mij will make a funny joke about the ‘key to this puzzle’ It is funny as it is an irony as it is not actually the solution. You will see soon. Look at the lock on the door. Mij says it is too far up and he is too short to reach and therefore he explains he needs some help reaching it by standing on something. Push the chair. Mij doesn’t want to as it might break. Push the box. Mij doesn’t want to move it as it could ruin the feng shiu of the room. Push the stepladder. Mij says it is bolted to the floor. Get the screwdriver on the table and use it on the stepladder. Mij unscrews the stepladder. Push the stepladder. Mij says he can’t move it as it is covering a monster that he doesn’t want to free as it might hurt people. Hit computer. Mij jumps up really high and hits the computer off the desk. Push computer. Mij says it is too heavy. Hit computer. Mij punches the computer and it lands next to the door. Then the puzzle solution music plays. I like this music; I have it on my iPod. Then use the computer. Mij climbs on top of it. Use the key with the lock. Mij tells you that the key has broken before he could get it in the lock. Climb down and look at the bookcase. A whole screen appears with a list of 300 books. Some of them have funny titles like “Trees” by I. M. Atree, “Candles” by I. M. Acandle and “Rice” by I. M. Arice. Look at the 123st book. If you try the others Mij will say he can’t read. When Mij looks at this book it tells him that the door is very weak. Exit this screen and hit the door. It explodes. Walk out.

Act 2
Mij has to get out of the front door. There is a Snowball cat blocking his way. Talk to the Snowball cat. She says she would like a videogame to play. Hit the Snowball cat three times. She makes a loud noise that hurts my ears. On the third time she coughs up a toothpaste tube. Get it quickly before it flies off the screen. Walk upstairs. Mij will reach the top and fall down again. Use the stair lift. Mij tells you that is boring. Jump at the stair lift. Mij says that is much more fun and jumps in it. It moves upwards. Halfway up the stairs you need to hit it to stop it tipping Mij out. You are now upstairs. Here is the bathroom, small bedroom, medium bedroom, master bedroom, balcony, loft, attic, and games room. You only need to go in the bathroom to complete the game but if you use the computer in the games room it tells you where to download illegal Nintendo roms. I found this helpful. Go into the bathroom. Jump on all the tiles. Eventually one will flip open and a set of springs will fall out (it is random which tile). There is a sea picture on the wall. Jump at it. Mij says he can’t reach. Use the springs on it. Mij says he doesn’t need to, flashes you a cheeky wink and grabs the picture by stretching his arms up. He tells you he was joking before. LOL! Then turn to leave. There is a worm blocking your way. Move around the worm. Mij says he is "too sacred to move", as this worm is ugly. I think that is a typing error in the script. Use the toothpaste on the worm. The worm likes toothpaste and so leaves (if you don’t have the toothpaste you get stuck here ^_^). Leave the room. Mij says he can’t be bothered to leave. Use the taps in the bath. Do this 10 times. On the final time Mij says it is so boring he’d rather leave and does so. Go downstairs (use the stair lift or Mij will fall and die). At the bottom. Use the command WAVE PICTURE AROUND near the Snowball cat. As she is prone to seasickness and it is a sea picture she faints. You would know this about her if you watched the Mij Breakfast Cartoon that was around in the 80s. Before you leave get the knife and throw it out the door (use it with ‘To outside’.) This is because there is a monster outside but if you get close enough to see it, it will eat you.

Act 3
Mij walks past the monster and to the town hall. There are 23 characters here to talk to but you don’t need to. I like to talk to them because they say funny things about farting. Soon Mij will shout that he’s hungry every 3 seconds. Get a pink cake. Mij says he only eats blue ones. Get a blue cake. Mij gets one and eats it. Get another blue cake. Mij says he doesn’t want people to see and think that he’s greedy. Get a pink cake. Mij takes one. Talk to the monkey called Chester. Tell him that there are no pink cakes left. To tell him this you need to do a rhythm action game. Then use the pink cake on him. You trade it for a drill. Use the drill with the wall. A piece of wood falls out and you get it. Use the wood with the spaghetti on the table to make a fishing rod. Although it doesn’t highlight, when you walk behind the man in the red jumper you go to the roof. Use the drill on the floor. Use the rod. Mij fishes through the floor and hooks a pink cake. He brings it up and eats it. Now he will stop saying he’s hungry all the time. What a relief, huh? Wait here for 5 minutes. Then a video clip of a meteor appearing will play. Hit the meteor. If you’re to early, Mij will miss and the world will be flattened. If you do it to late the same happens. You need perfect timing. Then Mij hits the meteor away from the earth and he saves the day. He gets a hero’s welcome! The end.
_________________
Young men, you're getting detention for being without shorts
I know who's actually to blame, but we need those guys for sports.

[Izzhov]

That was hilarious! I was having difficulty breathing whilst I read Act 3.
It's funny because it's true.
_________________
BRAND NEW FCMidi Forums!

[Tommy]

[Izzhov]

The Little Engine That Wouldn't
One day, Little Engine Timmy was choo-choo...ing down the street. Then a stranger walked up to him and asked if he would like some candy. Timmy thought about it for a long time and eventually said, "No, my mommy told me not to talk to strangers." But then the strangers kidnapped him and raped him and he turned into a human named Dave and he was accused falsely of murdering his friend Jimmy's daughter by Jimmy and then he was killed by Jimmy even though the real murderer was Jimmy's daughter's boyfriend's brother who was pretending to be a deaf mute but was unable to deceive Sean, the police chief who was another of Dave's friends. Then Sean fired a pretend gun (his finger) at Jimmy during a parade.
_________________
BRAND NEW FCMidi Forums!

[Tommy]

Tell me a story about my buttocks.
_________________
Young men, you're getting detention for being without shorts
I know who's actually to blame, but we need those guys for sports.

[Izzhov]

The Little Buttocks
They are very little. I know from personal experience. Tee hee!
THE END

I'm really proud of that one. It has really good character development.
_________________
BRAND NEW FCMidi Forums!

[Tommy]

Upsilon In Sexy France Part 5.

Upsilon was confused. He had been sent on a school trip to France as part of the language course, yet all they had done so far was military training. As Upsilon was pondering this fact, he cast his mind back to last night. He remembered sneaking into the supervisor’s office and stumbling across some important files marked with ‘MI5’. Was it a coincidence that this was the same code as the one for the British Secret Forces? And if so, what did they want with him. It was true that Upsilon knew 12 languages, 6 martial art styles and had gained 4 different qualifications from the university of Oxford despite being only 17, yet he was still an average teenager.

Now they had been dragged to the assault course by a tall shadowy figure. “Please, Upsilon, step up to the mark,” he stated. Upsilon did so and the shadowy figure began to explain the task ahead. “You must complete the assault course whilst I engage you in fire,” he explained, brandishing a large weapon. “Normally we would comply to stereotypes and fill this with onions but today it is loaded with Sony PSPs. Now go!” Upsilon barely had a chance to move before masses of shiny black consoles began flying towards him. In a state of panic he flung himself under a rotting shed, the first shelter. It was as if they read his mind and picked his worse fear possible. Upsilon felt a shiver of dread creeping down his spine as he watced the PSPs skidding across the ground before him. He could only imagine what horrors would follow if one touched him. In a state of panic he envisaged being hypnotised by the shiny black handheld and spending the rest of his days in a rocking chair drooling over Final Fantasy cut scenes. “It’s not fair!” he sobbed. Then a PSP shattered through the derelict wood and bounced off his ankle. Upsilon yelled and kicked backwards. It was time to move on. He took a deep breath and sprinted for the tunnel ahead of him. This was his next safe point in the assault course. Despite moving as fast as he could, every inch seemed to take years to cover. “This is for the pure euphoria that is Mario Galaxy!” he told himself, diving into a nearby tunnel. “I don’t have to watch a single immaculate FMV if I don’t want to. By the power of NINTENDO!” Scrabbling down the tunnel, Upsilon heard the PSPs piling up and blocking the tunnel entrance. The only way from here was onwards.

Meanwhile, in a tavern in the heart of Surrey, Upsilon’s best friends, Lynkstar, Sam and the other one were talking over a pint of bitter. “I wonder how Upsilon is,” pondered Lynkstar. “Wouldn’t it be funny if they made him crawl through a tunnel that lead straight into a Frenchman’s buttocks?" The three friends laughed, unaware that the amusing fantasy they had imagined was about to turn dangerously real...
_________________
Young men, you're getting detention for being without shorts
I know who's actually to blame, but we need those guys for sports.

[Izzhov]

Nice story, except the shadowy figure needs a French accent. Now for 'nother story:

'nother story
One day a dog barked. It was so loud the Universe imploded.

THE END
_________________
BRAND NEW FCMidi Forums!

[Tommy]

Here is an illustration:


_________________
Young men, you're getting detention for being without shorts
I know who's actually to blame, but we need those guys for sports.

[00tinytim00]

Well, I can't fault your characterisation, Izzhov.

Mr. Farrell's Grand Day Out

Mr. Farrell sat up in his coffin without using his crossed arms, and stalked to the window of his gothic mansion. The downpour was torrential - as Mr. Farrell watched, a gutter overflowed onto a group of shivering young urchins. "It's another beautiful day!" Mr. Farrell observed. Then he donned his black hat and his black suit, scooped up his black silver-topped cane, and oozed out of the door.

As he completed the half-mile walk to the gates of his estate, a young urchin, Ian Scarface-Johnstone, stumbled up to him and cupped his hands for change. "I'm looking for a bargain," the boy mumbled shyly. Mr. Farrell took care of this odious little boy with one swift swing of his cane, and moved on in satisfaction.

His first stop was the newspaper vendor, a seven-year-old working-class child with a lovable face and a streak of streetwisdom.

"Read all about it!" yelled the vendor.

"I shall," replied Farrell, and kicked him in the crotch, stole a newspaper and strode away slowly.

He then entered his favourite store, a high-class goods store. Beaderman's Goods kept out the riff-raff. Beaderman himself (first name: Dennis) was a gentle chap when he felt like it, but he never approved of the urchins' raggedy looks, often ripping them apart in the street (usually literally).

"Ah, good morning, sir," greeted Beaderman with a wink and a smile. "And what can I get my favourite customer?"

"Oh, you know me, Beaderman. Just a box of matches and some coffin polish."

"Ah," replied Beaderman, eyes twinkling. "Still at the old coffin, eh? Pers'nally, I prefer the simple rustic charms of a bed."

"I never liked beds. Scrooge never slept in a bed his whole life, and then he went soft the one night he tried. Don't like talking about it," said Mr. Farrell gruffly.

Purchases made, Mr. Farrell made his way down the street, poking in the ribs any working-class children who approached him. Finally, he reached his destination. Serenely, he lit a match, applied it to his rolled-up newspaper, and entered the building.

A minute later, he walked out again. He waited, then turned to admire his handiwork. The orphanage was now well and truly alight. He saw silhouettes run around inside like headless chickens. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards into what might have been a smile. Then he turned back to the street and began the lonely yet triumphant stroll back to his warm coffin.

The End.

[Izzhov]

You need some kind of a conflict, which needs a resolution. For example, you could have had Mr. Farrell accidentally dent his best friend's dad's car, which could be resolved when his best friend purposefully drives the car out the window. Just as an example.

[Tommy]

[Upsilon]

Tommy, I love you, let's bum right now.
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Delivering very monthly quotes for over six freaking years, it's Upsi's Quote of the Month:

"Don't have premaritals - it hurts your pre-genitals!" -chzrm3

[Tommy]

What a disgusting request!



But if you really want I'll send you my homophobic friend's address.

Oh and I can write a story starring you Auby (with Johnny Deppz), if you do another epic tale first.
_________________
Young men, you're getting detention for being without shorts
I know who's actually to blame, but we need those guys for sports.

[Mister Tommy]

There was once a small boy who found an ingenious way of avoiding double posts. But he was shot before he could share his secret.
The end.

[Tommy]

Two stories this time. I'm sorry but I couldn't resist writing the first one about my favourite character. He's quite a handfull, good thing he doesn't exist in real life.

Story 1

It was a sunny day in the education kingdom and Upsilon was long jumping down the corridors of school world. Suddenly he skidded to a halt and looked through an open doorway. What exciting challenges would this mysterious land hold? “Let’s-a go!” he cried and rushed eagerly forward. Looking around he appeared to be in classroom.
“Welcome to the A-level maths zone,” said the teacher in a bored tone.
“Yahoo!” Upsilon replied and took a seat in the corner. He looked excitedly at the sheet of equations in front of him. “Huh! Wahoo! WAAAAAAHAAAAAA!” came the cry as Upsilon completed 3 questions without pausing. He jumped across his schoolmate’s heads towards the teacher, anticipating yet another A grade for his collection. “Here we go!” he yelled, thrusting the paper into the teacher’s face. The teacher scanned it and frowned.
“You’ve got this one wrong,” she pointed out.
“Waaaaah!” Yelled Upsilon. And then “Oof!” as he flew out of the classroom and into a wall. Maybe he should try a simpler challenge to start with. How about the pathetically easy Geography Zone? That would do! Upsilon gave a cry of delight and jumped off into the distance.

Story 2

Mr Farrell sat in his gloomy classroom holding a candle and grumbling. “Where are all the little brats that I have to teach?” he complained. Then suddenly he heard some commotion outside. Stepping out the door and shielding himself from the bright lights of the corridor, he turned to look. Miss Everett came running towards him.
“Thank goodness you’re here,” she cried.
“Well, I’m just fulfilling my role as ‘knight in black armour,’” replied Farrell, giving what he thought was a suave smile.
“There’s a child involving all my students in a game,” continued Miss Everett. “They say it’s too fun to come to class!” Mr Farrell adjusted his collar purposefully.
“I will deal with this!” he announced and strode off down the corridor. He soon came to a large group of children and a ringleader on a platform. Farrell knocked some students out of the way with his cane to get a better look. He realised that dishevelled youngster with girly hair was in fact Tim from his old class.
“Roll up, roll up! How many nuts do I have?” Tim was shouting. “Guess the number of nuts in my jar and win a small prize!”
“What is this nonsense? Back to class all of you!” Bellowed the angry Farrell. Then Tim turned to face him.
“I tell you what,” he grinned. “If you guess how many nuts I have to the nearest 5, I will tell everyone to get back to class. They all obey me!” Mr Farrell went pale. He always regarded maths as a pointless subject, preferring the majesty and raw power of English. The Study Of English As A Language. He began mentally counting the nuts.
“By the way, techniques don’t work” called out Tim, as if reading his mind. Farrell pulled a random number out of his arse and barked it loudly.
“60!” he snapped.
“No!” Tim smiled. “72!” By now Farrell was fuming.
“Give me this, boy!” he bellowed, grasping for the jar. Unfortunately, it skidded clumsily in his hands and smashed on the floor. Nuts scattered in all directions-here there and everywhere, up down and all around. One flew up high, high, way in the sky. And stayed there. And that was how the moon was created.
_________________
Young men, you're getting detention for being without shorts
I know who's actually to blame, but we need those guys for sports.

[Aubergine-Head]

Great, TO THE MAX! Here is your blood story!

Our story starts off in the cold streets of London in 1875 with a small orphan child named Wayne. He was a very thin boy with dirty blonde locks. He had recently lost his parents due to a cold-blooded murderer who roamed the streets. Wayne wandered, alone and scared when he bumped into a tall, menacing figure. The man was wearing a dark hooded cloak. He looked down at Wayne’s terrified face with his glowing yellow eyes.
“A boy shouldn’t be roaming the streets at your age. Where are your parents?”
“Please sir. My parents are dead. I have no relatives to stay with.” Wayne stuttered.
“Is that so?” The man replied, “Well then, you shall come with me boy. I need someone to assist me in my work. Come”
He strode away at a quick pace, his cloak trailing on the floor behind him. Wayne had to jog to keep up with him. They weaved and meandered down all the dark streets of London until they got to a large, ghostly house. Wayne recognized this house, but he couldn’t put his finger on it as to why he did.
“Come along Boy!” The man barked.
They went up the long, narrow and winding stairs. When they got to the top, the man stopped abruptly and turned to face Wayne. He put down his hood. Wayne let out a terrified gasp. Though it was very dimly lit, there was no way of forgetting those features. His short, black and scruffy hair, square jaw and thick stubble. It was Mr Farrell and they were in his mansion where he brooded and studied English as a Language.
“There’s something I forgot to ask you boy. Are you rich?”
“No sir. We’ve always been poor. I hardly have enough to keep me out of the workhouse for a week.”
“Well then. I no longer have need for your services. Farewell.” Mr Farrell said coldly and with a trace of a smirk on his face, kicked Wayne down the stairs. Wayne screamed as he plummeted down the stairs into darkness.
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Celeb quote of the month:
"I even wear a suit for improvisation workshops, rolling around. Well, acting's a white-collar job, you know? You wear a suit." -Bill Nighy

[Izzhov]

A story whose quality is several magnitudes lower than that of the last few:
Olim (that's "once upon a time" in Latin, for all you non-Latin speaking berks out there), there was a guy named Othello. He appointed Cassio as his lieutenant instead of Iago, so Iago and Roderigo told Brabantio that Desdemona eloped with Othello. Since I'm procrastinating reading the second scene, I don't know what happened next. Then Othello told Iago that the word "procrastinate" comes from the Latin words pro (meaning "for"), cras (meaning "tomorrow), and tenere (meaning "to hold"), and so therefore, when you're procrastinating something, you're holding it for tomorrow.

THE END
_________________
BRAND NEW FCMidi Forums!

[Tommy]

Here is the tale I promised Tinytim's least-favourite sister.


Auby was very excited. Today was the day she would see the charming Johnny Depp in his latest role-irate barber man. It was the reason she had bothered to keep breathing these last few years, knowing that the wondrous day would soon arrive. And here it was. She strode into the cinema with a creepy smile plastered to her face. She removed the smile and ambled along to the pay booth.
“JOHNNY DEEP!” she shouted, happily.
“I’m sorry, but you can’t see this film.” Replied Muggins, who worked behind the counter. “It’s too delicate for your young squishy female brain.”
“THAT’S ENORMOUSLY BUTTOCKS!” shouted Auby, irritated. Then she ran out of the cinema and down the street in floods of tears. Suddenly, a man bumped into her. Looking up: “YOU’RE JOHNNY DEPP!” she shouted, ecstatically.
“Why hello young munchkin.” Burbled Mr Depp, most charismatically. “What seems to be wrong in your world?”
“THEY WOULDN’T LET ME INTO YOUR FILM!” shouted Auby, crossly.
“That scenario is both gay and buttocks.” Twinkled the Johnny. “And even though it is young misses like yourself that label me as a pin-up and increase the chances of me being typecast, therefore potentially ruining my career, I’ll see what I can do.” Then he disappeared in a puff.

Later that day Auby was inside her house knitting her family some dinner when there was a knock on the door. She went to answer it and there, stood on the doorstep were Johnny Depp, Tom Burtwise and Elagnor Bottocks Carter.
“We’ve come to re-enact the film for you inside your house!” they cried in union and rushed off to the front room. Tim was not happy, as he was already in the room at the time.
“I wanna play wii games not watch a film about gay barbers!” he bawled. “What are barbers anyway? I’ve never been near one.” Tom Burtwise suddenly decided to sit on Tim’s face. He ran out of the room wailing. Finally they could get on with the film.

It was a great success. Fake ketchup (they used blood) flew everywhere, contaminating all the stock for Auby’s parents shop. Auby herself clapped and cheered and did a little dance. Even Tim had sneaked back to watch the end and was now entranced by the sultry Elagnor Bottocks Carter.
“I’d hit that!” he yelled, punching the actress firmly in the mouth.
“How dare you hit what I think may be my wife.” Said Tom, in a deadpan manner. He began striding towards Tim, violently.
“Ur, let’s forget about that and … play VIDEOGAMES! VIDEOGAMES! VIDEOGAMES! YEAH!” Bellowed Tim. His joyful shouting was infectious and soon everyone was jumping up and down, yelling and smashing everything in sight like Dawkins at the Pope’s house. Then they learned about how Sony was behind global warming.


Next I feel like writing some erotic fiction. Who's up for it?
_________________
Young men, you're getting detention for being without shorts
I know who's actually to blame, but we need those guys for sports.

[Izzhov]

[Aubergine-Head]

Hahaha. That is actually what I was like when going into Sweeney Todd.

Thank you Tommy. I especially liked the Buttock referrences!
_________________


Celeb quote of the month:
"I even wear a suit for improvisation workshops, rolling around. Well, acting's a white-collar job, you know? You wear a suit." -Bill Nighy

[00tinytim00]