Fruitcake MIDI Forum Treasury

[Mike]

Once upon a time there were some people that didn't want to shut up and go bowling, so they hired a manically depressed criminal. THAT'S THE END!

Actually, since the cake was a lie, the bowling seemed to be quite rigged. Therefore, the manic-depressive criminal tripped and broke his best friend's favorite priceless golden face. So then they left and dove into a man-made cesspool because they thought it would replenish their mortal soul. Tragically, they were wrong about what the cesspool did.

An alligator lived there who knew jujitsu, so one might say he was Japanese or Korean or Russian or something. The point is that when he pwnt them, there was so much trash talk. "I have bowel, your mother!" the people did not exclaim. Perplexed, the buttocks flailed everywhere. By which I of course mean male strippers arrived and proceeded to engage the alligator in a chess match TO THE DEATH.

The alligator prepared to unleash his Final Smash, but, to its dismay, the strippers had snatched the Smash Ball and replaced it with YOUR FACE. Therefore, everybody thrusted their genitals. This caused massive chaos, panic, and traumatized children. Then the strippers unleashed their thrusting genitals, which were attached to something that looked suspiciously like a cup on fire. This caused ravenous swarms of giant killer bees, forming the shape of a Transylvanian Tyrannosaurus, to fill your mother's saucepans with delicious, nutritious Liver Product™.

"Don't eat that!" screamed the Ice Cream Tyrant who sat pompously atop his enormous, veiny, throbbing dragon, who had the mystical Food Of The Gods safely tucked away within an iron fist designed to resist Failure. "But what, then, shall we tell the male strippers who ruined Christmas?" cried the giant, hunchbacked bag of milk.

"YOU MUST RECOVER!"

Inexplicably, this made ducks commit suicide and giant rabbits fall from the top of Niagara Falls. Everybody took acid, CHAWLES NO!!! Despite this, the bowlers, about which nobody actually cared, won the Olymics. "The Olymics?" exclaimed TV's Adam West whilst sipping a questionable milkshake. "But isn't that banned in Russia?"

"Actually, you are absolutely wrong. The Olymics are for failures." Thus spoke Zarathustra.

"But I love the seventeen dancing little green men that the Olympics represent!"

"Not the point, good sir. The problem is, the bowling Olympics have been replaced with the Olymics!"

"That's not fair..." the Ice Cream Man cried as his Tyrannical counterpart spontaneously burst into song and dance, then into flames. His body crumbled into crumbs.

"Mmmmm, chickenz!" said the adorable, loving, android that everyone hated.

"NONE FOR YOU, GOOD SIR" shouted his own mother.

Suddenly, a gigantic food beast summoned the ninja-bread man. The ninja attacked the manic-depressive criminal. No one cared. Not even him.

He vibrantly screamed, "Figaro, figaro, figaro, figaro, figaro, figaro," thinking it meant "rez plz!" Unfortunately, it actually meant "crouch on my vibrant purple Malaysian sofa," so the mage didn't revive his love of platypi, or him.

The android proceeded to die instantly. Or at least fall over and shout convincingly, "Blargh! I am dead!"

Adam West then called to complain about the barrel roll Peppy had told him to perform. "Peppy is with the bowlers now and has passed away, along with twenty Olymians."

"I should have known... it was all the Russians' fault that he died! I shall kill Dumbledore. If Snape interferes, I will tell him to go bugger a cake, or perhaps a pie chart. This shall result in moar deathytude," said the kindly, clinically obese Chinese man. They then hung up their Bat Capes next to the sofa, on the wall coated with piles of gold crochet wickets and smelly old gym attendants named 'Sal'. "TO THE BAT KING," Sal toasted with a glass that belonged to Korea. "DON'T STOP THE BEAT! THE USSR RULES", was the final memoirs of a retard who was smart by bear standards; Fo'th'retard says, "I cannot allow you to do that, because I neeeeeeed soooooommmme caaaaaake...."

As Snape entered the Olimics Farting Event, he critically failed to remain alive much longer than his opponent, who quite suspiciously resembled Captain Jean-Luc Picard. As Snape thrust, the falcon cried bitter emo tears, which harnessed the power of the mighty Soviet Union!!! (Aka, they sucked.)

What happened next, nobody actually knows. Legend states that the falcon went and PUNCHED a judge of the Olimian-Olymian Olympics, resulting in a massive fireball of fiery deathytude and week-old mustard, destroying the entire galaxy. Fortunately, preparations were made for such an occasion in the form of a hawk!!!

This Hawk was about 20 feet of dismembered-legs, unfortunately. Therefore, a potent herd of sheep were sent in together while holding hands and singing "God Bless The Soviet Union, fools!" (But He didn't.)

Then Sephiroth came down and gave me a birthday cake. But I thought it was a saucy prize. It was not saucy, nor was it my birthday. This made me angry enough to shoot laz0r beams from my elbows, actually just kidding. I only wish I was kidding about the kidding.

"Shut up!!!" said Sephiroth, and dyed his hair pink... and then died!!! Then he lived. Seeing this, Cloud killed him again because he was a horrible zombie. Meanwhile, Shadowblade was saying racial slurs about himself, while Major Denkins proudly buggered off to be a lousy $#@%. This upset Cheese Monkey, since he's a lousy $#@%. This upset most of China. And THAT upset some Russian guy. So basically, the entire world erupted into crazy dancing. For obvious reasons, Russia killed Sephiroth.

After this display of Russian supremacy, the ground decided to commit fratricide. Therefore, every frat lived happily ever after... IN HELL! Satan was displeased with Kansas, so he destroyed it with his almighty LAZOR. Which killed Kansas, to be quite redundant.

Immediately, the frozen northlands thawed and the polar bears all screamed "Ganon kick!" This kick targeted a certain someone named General Specific. He hates kittens. So, when he noticed the bears helping said kittens, they mauled him.

Remember the bowlers? Didn't think so. Well, they were actually the bears. In fact, they had always been bears, and lousy dirty filthy horrible bowlers. So they abandoned bowling forever and danced merrily to the tune known formerly as Prince. By the time they finished, the manically depressed percussion-playing elephant attacked the criminal with unsurpassed fury and uncontained rage. Then they shook the foundation of physics by solving thirteen rubik's cubes in 19 dimensions, three of which were the very three that Hitler invented.

Later on Hitler screamed "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" because his schnitzel fell on the ground, which caused a massively ginormous explosion like nitroglycerine to destroy Madagascar. The Madagascarians were not good bowlers, so the bears killed all the Madagascarians, in an impressive display of redundance. (Considering that Madagascarians are only known as lousy $#@%s.) This upset Hitler, so he upset the world by flying high above the African ice caps.

"ICE ICE BABY!" he chanted enthusiastically. "STFU YOU MAN BUCKETS WHO OPPOSE WHAT PLATYPI STAND FOR!"

Megatron became upset, but then exploded. People were confused, but yet excited! After all, the robot's smoldering remains became delicious candies and fed the overweight, obese, redundancies of the Spanish armada, led by General Specific. The General's archnemesis, Captain Pillywiggins, saw this travesty. His pet octopus then swam twelve laps around Samus until she take bad medicine and speak Chinese. Bad English plagued the City of New York, much like in 1953 having once bagel was eat yum pro bono.

BUT!! SUDDENLY, TURKEYS!! HUNDREDS TURKEYS SUDDENLY, BUT!!

"Speaking of buts," interjected a particularly crass young lass named Gass McBass, carrying a bass made of brass stuck up his or her face, "I'm particularly fond of conjunctions myself. As a matter of principle, I will not speak ever again." Thus, he jumped away, over the rainbow, to a magical fat biatch, who was actually Gass McBass's long lost female self. Seeing this horrible paradox unfolding, the universe DIE.

"Noooooooooooooo I never got to correct your grammar, or dance!!!" screamed a pedantic ballerina, coincidentally named Sal. Boris Yeltsin drank and drank and drank your mother's drink, much to the protest of Samus and Hitler. "Unforgiveable!" they cried. But the Tubaman smashed Hitler's giant framed painting of his talkative butt.

Hitler's eyes narrowed. "ಠ_ಠ" Hitler said. "That's no good!"

"I disagree," said the Tubaman, proceeding to hit Samus over the head with a baguette. His tuba, however, he was saving until Monday, Tuesday, or perhaps even last Christmas. "But I do admit that I did not ever think you'd go Communist".

Hitler chuckled. "We're incredibly homosexual," he demonstrated, thrusting his tongue into Tubaman's tuba. Shocked, Tubaman also turned Communist.

Since then, the polar bears took twenty years off the life of Jack Thompson by poisoning him with Diet Dr. Pepper. Understandably miffed, Jack was really Jack of the Atlantic League of Angry Mutant, Killer Robots... Thompson. "But isn't Communism illegal in this fair land?" argued Tubaman, who actually didn't give money to charity as frequently as his Tuba.

"Yes, but more importantly, the wine!" interrupted Samus, who then slapped Jack Thompson with a gigantic tuba, which she had stolen from that bipolar criminal, Jack Thompson himself. "Specifically, the wine that caused Jack to mutate into the bipolar criminal!" Samus demanded this wine because she made lots of babies whilst intoxicated.

"Noooooo! You fool!!" wailed Tubaman, knowing one more baby would cause an enormously freakin' massive STRAW BEERRRRRY WIIIIIIIIIIIIINE SPLASH!!!!!!

Daytime dawned, as daytime does, over Hyrule. The daytime didn't dawn, however, over the lair of Ganon. This upset Ganon, who HATES theives of daytime! He buggered off to tell Link to bugger off. Link said, "NO U!" to no avail. Link used "Stuff" to win the rock-paper-scissors semifinals, but his friend couldn't handle Link's constant farting, so he challenged Link to a Communist views Fight Club reenactment seminar on Final Destination and its Socialist use of items. Ganon lost. Badly. Even though he lost, however, he still won the grand consolation prize, which was a pizza with pepperoni and cocaine.

Elsewhere entirely, a team of Power Rangers were dueling the bears from "Goldilocks". The purple ranger used a grape juice box to attack a grape-juice intolerant bear named Fred. Just then, suddenly, a repetitious, redundant Rick Roll emerged, and everyone started dancing the Sponge, which is a very painful dance performed only by Jack Thompson's mum and her many invertebrates, like her.

The Goldilocks Bears promptly retaliated by eating her.

Then, the Rangers summoned a giant dishwasher that overflowed and flooded the room. Consequently, the bears got washed away. Triumphantly, the Rangers simply stood around gawking stupidly at each other. "Durrrrrrr I want pudding, and make it with eleven secret, magical, fluffy, and extremely rare ingredients made out of pure, unfiltered sin," said the Rainbow Ranger.

"OBJECTION!" shouted that same Ranger, eliciting bewildered stares from the nearby Doctor Fruitcake, holding his increasingly hardening level 9 Metapod.

"WTF?" inquired Fruity Loops Agent #7331.

"IDK my BFF is a lie," Rainbow admitted mournfully. "I'm actually flamboyantly amazed that the good doctor hasn't violently decapitated you in acccordance with something or other."
_________________
~Mike

Chaff City returns! http://bit.ly/Chaff

[Cheese Monkey]

"WTF?" inquired Fruity Loops Agent #7331.

"IDK my BFF is a lie," Rainbow admitted mournfully. "I'm actually flamboyantly amazed that the good doctor hasn't violently decapitated you in acccordance with something or other."

"But what is
_________________
This post has been brought to you by
Cheese Monkey - The Funky Cheddar Monkey
(This post made no sense! Tell the people!)

PSO crap (Bestows +1 geekiness)!
[quote="Xenofan"]You wouldn't be here without sex, the internet wouldn't be here without sex, and heck, the Gamecube wouldn't be here without sex.[/quote][quote="Yoshgunn"]At first, don't overthink things. It's OK to become a small African village and injure yourself.[/quote]

[ImMewtwo]

"WTF?" inquired Fruity Loops Agent #7331.

"IDK my BFF is a lie," Rainbow admitted mournfully. "I'm actually flamboyantly amazed that the good doctor hasn't violently decapitated you in acccordance with something or other."

"But what is (The Meaning Of)
_________________
Uh oh. We got a spinner.

[Dr Fruitcake]

"WTF?" inquired Fruity Loops Agent #7331.

"IDK my BFF is a lie," Rainbow admitted mournfully. "I'm actually flamboyantly amazed that the good doctor hasn't violently decapitated you in acccordance with something or other."

"But what is The Meaning Of Liff?"

"A book
_________________
""

[Cheese Monkey]

"WTF?" inquired Fruity Loops Agent #7331.

"IDK my BFF is a lie," Rainbow admitted mournfully. "I'm actually flamboyantly amazed that the good doctor hasn't violently decapitated you in acccordance with something or other."

"But what is The Meaning Of Liff?"

"A book of lies, obviously."
_________________
This post has been brought to you by
Cheese Monkey - The Funky Cheddar Monkey
(This post made no sense! Tell the people!)

PSO crap (Bestows +1 geekiness)!
[quote="Xenofan"]You wouldn't be here without sex, the internet wouldn't be here without sex, and heck, the Gamecube wouldn't be here without sex.[/quote][quote="Yoshgunn"]At first, don't overthink things. It's OK to become a small African village and injure yourself.[/quote]

[Cheese Monkey]

"WTF?" inquired Fruity Loops Agent #7331.

"IDK my BFF is a lie," Rainbow admitted mournfully. "I'm actually flamboyantly amazed that the good doctor hasn't violently decapitated you in acccordance with something or other."

"But what is The Meaning Of Liff?"

"A book of lies, obviously. Why would you

---

*furiously spam-casts Revive on thread*
_________________
This post has been brought to you by
Cheese Monkey - The Funky Cheddar Monkey
(This post made no sense! Tell the people!)

PSO crap (Bestows +1 geekiness)!
[quote="Xenofan"]You wouldn't be here without sex, the internet wouldn't be here without sex, and heck, the Gamecube wouldn't be here without sex.[/quote][quote="Yoshgunn"]At first, don't overthink things. It's OK to become a small African village and injure yourself.[/quote]

[Dr Fruitcake]

"WTF?" inquired Fruity Loops Agent #7331.

"IDK my BFF is a lie," Rainbow admitted mournfully. "I'm actually flamboyantly amazed that the good doctor hasn't violently decapitated you in acccordance with something or other."

"But what is The Meaning Of Liff?"

"A book of lies, obviously. Why would you ask such a
_________________
""

[Cheese Monkey]

...treasury'd huh. So it's come to this. And why did I not see the move until now? >_<

Well treasury'd is better than pruned, for sure.

(If anyone even sees this post... yeah I still exist. But I get the sinking suspicion the forums don't -_-)

EDIT: I suppose we could end the story with...

"A book of lies, obviously. Why would you ask such a..."

SPLOSIONS! EVERYBODY DIED.


_________________
This post has been brought to you by
Cheese Monkey - The Funky Cheddar Monkey
(This post made no sense! Tell the people!)

PSO crap (Bestows +1 geekiness)!
[quote="Xenofan"]You wouldn't be here without sex, the internet wouldn't be here without sex, and heck, the Gamecube wouldn't be here without sex.[/quote][quote="Yoshgunn"]At first, don't overthink things. It's OK to become a small African village and injure yourself.[/quote]